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The Bledsoe Show

The show formerly known as "Bledsopia" On this podcast, you’ll learn from thought leaders who are dedicating their lives to being a positive force for your physical, psycho-emotional and spiritual health. Your host, Mike Bledsoe, seeker of truth & perpetual student, spotlights premier thought leaders in the fields of emotional & intellectual expansion, behavior change, sexuality & alternative medicine that empower you with the tools and inspiration to transform your mind, body, & spirit. Every week, this is your opportunity to get downloads from exceptional people that will guide you to the connections between your own source, to live your best life & enjoy the process.
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Now displaying: Page 1
Feb 28, 2022

00:00.00

Max Shank

Welcome everybody to Monday mornings with max and Mike Today we're gonna talk about borrowed dreams what you should do about it or what you what you could do about it. We don't want to should all over you. So Mike. Thanks for joining me everyone thanks for tuning in borrowed dreams. What do we do.

00:23.69

mikebledsoe

Yeah, ah well max and I were talking talking about a story before the show that is way too common. It's very very common and I've experienced it myself as well which is ah, an example someone walks into the the gym. And they want to be able to complete a certain feat and then you come to find I know I've come to find out a lot of people go oh I want to squat £500 or I want to like I want to be able to snatch and clean and jerk this much weight or I want to be able to this many pull ups. And ah early in my career I said cool. Let's do it and then as I got older I witnessed myself and a lot of other people achieve the goal and still not be happy afterwards or sacrifice all sorts of stuff that we actually valued pretty highly. Go after this goal just to find out that the achievement of the goal created 0 satisfaction and I used to I used to be in this frame of mind that it was a human flaw that was something that we could overcome that this whole idea that. I always have to achieve more and I I actually think this idea that every time I reach a goal I immediately set another goal and I don't really get you know? Maybe there's 30 seconds of satisfaction or a day at the most talk to my friend a j roberts about setting the world record for the squat and he worked at this for years and then he hits it and then he celebrates for one day and the next day he wakes up depressed and then sets another another goal and I used to think yeah.

02:08.72

Max Shank

Was one of my favorite stories. He told that he told that story at some mastermind event I was at about having nosebleeds walking up the stairs and destroying all his relationships basically and.

02:23.47

mikebledsoe

Yeah, yeah.

02:27.15

Max Shank

You know ruining his body and his relationships and then going like oh wow that was not that cool at all. Actually I think that's probably the perfect example because somewhere he got this idea that that would make him enough or great superior. In some way and you know since you and I have so much experience with fitness. It's natural to examine why people have certain fitness goals and it's usually because someone else told them it was a good idea explicitly or. They just got rewarded with positive feedback on the way there. Oh you squatted a hundred. We. Love you. Oh you squatted 200. We love you twice as much just imagine if you could squat 300 just how much we would love you It's like ah.

03:20.95

mikebledsoe

Ah, what.

03:23.97

Max Shank

Ah, love is proportional to the pounds you can lift.

03:26.96

mikebledsoe

Yeah, and and it's ah and I used to believe it was just ah this I used to think it was like a personality flaw or something like that. Where of this person is just so achievement oriented that they can't even enjoy the the reaching of their goals. And after further analysis and of course the analysis. Ah analysis. That's meaningful always starts with ourselves. It was the analysis analysis of my own life in experiencing these things and reaching goals or failing to reach goals and and then still being able able to achieve happiness even without having. Achieved it and being okay with it and so I started looking at why instead of thinking about ah am I just setting goals all the time I realized that the goals there were certain goals that I did begin to hit as I got older that. Actually created an enormous amount of satisfaction for long periods of time and the ones those goals that I hit that created a really long lasting satisfaction were they were my goals and all the goals that I had set before you know I mean if we.

04:27.14

Max Shank

Oh.

04:42.45

mikebledsoe

Work our way back. My goal was to be at nationals and and weightlifting it was strong man competitions. It was squat a certain amount of weight compete at Crossfit a certain way become a navy seal like ah, whatever it was like ah graduate top my class. All these different things. None of those things whether I experienced success or not were not very satisfying in In fact, I didn't enjoy the journey of it at all or very little and then when I when I let go of that I went through a lot of growth. And I started achieving my own goals I go oh this isn't a personality flaw or a flaw amongst people who are very achievement based this is just simply a you are. It's it's an insecurity issue. It's a way of like what you were saying. Which is how do I experience. Love how am I accepted by others and the the thing that really stands out for me is my how I behaved in the world changed dramatically when my father died.

05:53.24

Max Shank

And.

05:55.27

mikebledsoe

And I realized that a lot of the decisions. It took me a few years to after that and I watched my my behavior change in a really interesting way I it was like I took a hard left turn after he passed and as I look back on it I go oh. All my goals up that point was to impress my dad like if I thought my dad was gonna be impressed by it I would fucking. Do it whether he said so explicitly or not it was It's always our own interpretation of what is gonna get us love and acceptance. So once I realize.

06:20.77

Max Shank

And.

06:33.74

mikebledsoe

I did that with my dad and then years later learning that how we you know our dad being our first love outside of ourselves because we we view our mother as ourselves when we're first born and so this father figure really dictates how you view the world and how you. Earn love from the world and so if you grew up in a situation where you were constantly setting goals to impress your dad. You're probably gonna be prone to for the rest of your life is a set achievement goals based on what you think other people want you to do and then just be miserable.

07:10.64

Max Shank

Totally totally I think ah of kids as like an ego surrogate Most of the time It's like a little surrogate ego for the parents and the ah like ah.

07:10.65

mikebledsoe

Whether you get it or not.

07:23.86

mikebledsoe

I Love it.

07:28.48

Max Shank

It's so easy to see I used to referee kids soccer games I used to also play soccer myself and you should see these parents fucking screaming these kids are 7 years old

07:36.90

mikebledsoe

Oh wow.

07:42.64

Max Shank

There are like 3 of them who are good at soccer and the rest of them are running around and like they'll kick the ball if it happens to come near them and as a referee of these little kids I'm like getting yelled at for like ruining the game sometimes if I if I do something a little wrong.

07:48.60

mikebledsoe

Right.

07:55.28

mikebledsoe

Oh my. My my dad. My dad definitely came after some umpires and some referees like my dad was the guy in in the backtop yelling at ah at the ummp at baseball games.

08:01.99

Max Shank

Oh yeah, so so so there's no ah I I didn't want any of my parents to come to any of my events of any kind I wanted to go there and just do it on my own and you know. But here's the thing ah that attitude makes it so clear implicitly and kind of explicitly what the mission is you know you are in that family unit. You're looking to get love. You're looking to do good instead of do bad and if winning. Is the most important thing then playing is not the most important thing and I think it's backwards because if you are doing something that brings you intrinsic enjoyment. It is sustainable. In fact, you will you will. You'll spend the whole day doing it. You'll forget to eat. You'll forget to do other stuff. You'll just be in the zone of this thing that you're doing and you can win you know and and win is such a nebulous term you can have success and. Serve and connect with people by doing what you are the best at and if you really love doing it. It will be easy for you to gain tremendous skill at it I always start with that question actually. With people when it comes to business coaching. Let's say and I'm like what would you do? if you could earn no money and no credit from doing it like what would you? What would you give? what would you do and when you take the. Ego out of it then you get into the real meat and potatoes of what brings you intrinsic joy and Joseph Campbell so calls it a follow your bliss and I think that's generally a good idea. But if you do things just for the reason.

10:09.80

mikebledsoe

By the way following your Bliss doesn't mean you're experienced bliss the whole time I want to make that clear for some people.

10:17.40

Max Shank

Right? right? right? I mean if you have good drugs. You can come pretty close but no, no joking joking. Don't do drugs kids just do the drugs that Uncle Sam says you should do ah but what I'm saying is if you take.

10:24.96

mikebledsoe

I.

10:36.47

Max Shank

The idea of getting credit or the potential reward monetarily you will hone in on what you really would like to do and what you would really like to share. Ah, it's such a corny phrase but it's true. The gift is in the giving. And it required me having a pretty high degree of success myself before I got that like it's it's kind of funny how that works because for me, everything was about the result everything was about winning and. I Just thought you should tough it out for the result like it doesn't matter who cares if you're enjoying what you're doing you just do what needs to be done to get the desired result and look that can work. But if you do something that you would do anyway and then. Learn the fundamentals of monetizing that Action. You will happily do it every day and you can do it for a lifetime rather than for a shorter amount of time burn yourself out and then feel lost because you chase this goal that has its origins. Completely outside of your sense of self.

11:54.98

mikebledsoe

Yeah, that makes me think about people people hear this conversation like follow your bliss and and you know do what you love and enjoy the journey and they go look. That's really sounds cute but that's not how the world works I was. I was coaching a friend recently a buddy from you know I've known for 20 years and you know I don't talk to him very often. But I was talking to Him. He goes well,, that's just not how the world works I go for you that because you believe the the Opposite. You're making that true and you're going to collect a lot of evidence to support that so I have been collecting evidence on the other side Now here's the thing. Yeah, you get to choose which evidence you're collecting so choose wisely and So. All throughout human history.. There's been a lot of have to I have to do this to survive and eat and the the more the more primitive culture is the less choice. There really is and what you get to do there's there's you know you gotta go hunt and get your food. You gotta you gotta do some stuff.

12:54.81

Max Shank

I Should do this now.

13:10.27

mikebledsoe

And through the advancement and evolution of culture. What we we came up with this idea of capitalism which has allowed people to become specialists. You know having that currency allows someone to become a specialist and not have to do all these have to things they just have to be really good. 1 thing and then other people reward them from that and we experience trade and so it's when I look at our generation. What I see is ah the highest level of get to and when I have kids one day. They're gonna have an even higher level of get to than I did and this level of get to is just so much more pronounced and shorter periods of time from generation to generation I think that's a lot of what we looked at the boomers talking to the. The gen xes and the millennials and saying you know you gotta like work hard. You gotta grind you gotta you gotta do all this you gotta do stuff that you don't like and that's actually not that true because we live in a world of. Incredible amount of connection somebody somewhere values your passion and you being able to perform that a really high level somewhere. There was a woman There's a woman in New York that fucking makes half million dollars a year I think I told you about this before selling pictures of dicks. That are dressed up in different outfits so actual dicks. So these guys volunteer shell put little address on it or she'll put like a little tuxedo on the dick take it picture? Yeah but this is.

14:44.76

Max Shank

That's funny like actual dicks. Wow I would love to know I'd love to know that customer avatar like who are the people buying these things.

15:01.30

mikebledsoe

I Love that story because it's a demonstration of how niche and ridiculous something can be but she is the best dick pick Taker on the planet. She's the the Dick Master huh.

15:12.60

Max Shank

How many have you purchased how many have you purchased personally.

15:19.56

mikebledsoe

I've got 4 in my collection. Nft's though but ah when here's here's the other thing I mean that's what I was joking I said nft but ah, we are seeing artists being rewarded people of normally associated being an artist with being.

15:24.43

Max Shank

Ah.

15:38.54

mikebledsoe

Um, ah a starving artist. You know it's the common cliche you're a starving artist and there's a lot of reasons why artists are starving but ah in in the new world that we're living in. You can draw some shit up and sells an have m might take off and just because you associate it with that. So. There's there's much more sophisticated ways of funding artists now when people trade the art so say ah and this is a very the layers of tokenomics. Get very deep and very complicated and it's very hard to keep up with just just putting that out there because um, my girlfriend is deep in the comic book world with Nfts right now. So she owns a bunch she owns like this I think I might be she might. Think she owns like the seventeenth most expensive comic on the planet type of thing right now. So yeah, and so ah.

16:39.28

Max Shank

That's exciting.

16:44.90

Max Shank

It's always like you know you know people ah have all these comments about the the top 1% and there's a funny quote which is like there's always going to be a top 1% in fact it will always be 1%

16:58.88

mikebledsoe

Um, yeah.

17:00.93

Max Shank

And no matter what it is that you're doing whether you're an artist or a coach or an author or something like that like there's always going to be a top 1% but it kind of comes down to the comparison syndrome right.

17:15.32

mikebledsoe

Um, yeah.

17:18.17

Max Shank

So if you are measuring your success based on something like that like once again, if I compare myself to the rock I'm a fat poor slob but but it.

17:29.56

mikebledsoe

Ah.

17:35.33

Max Shank

Outside of that comparison like I feel pretty good about myself like I might go jump in the pool later and I'm in good enough shape to play tennis and you know it just depends on what you compare to so this idea that you will be happier getting richer or stronger doing something. You don't. Really want to do versus making a little bit less money or being a little bit less strong but doing something that you ah are really excited about every day I think that's a major fallacy and you you're just comparing to what. You see on television what you see around you what you see on social media. This idea that you must have Xy and z to be considered successful. Once again is totally arbitrary. You know you come in and you're like hey I want to I want to lose. Ah. £5 I don't want to be one hundred and sixteen pounds I want to be 111 and I'm like why? Well just 111 sounds better. They're like why don't you just measure yourself in Kilos the number will be smaller like what what are you talking about? It's ridiculous if you want to feel really strong just measure the weight you can lift in Grams. I lifted ten Thousand grams today I feel so strong. Ah, it's total nonsense when you think about ah the intrinsic things like what do you actually like to do because most of it's.

18:48.61

mikebledsoe

I'm so yoed.

19:01.92

Max Shank

Once again, all these cliches sounds so corny but most of the best things in life are free but there is a fundamental necessity to feel safe to feel um to be fed and things like that. But it comes back to what we've talked about a lot which is value value like.

19:14.19

mikebledsoe

We know the the cocoa. Yeah.

19:21.30

Max Shank

Value is totally um, dependent on the situation right? So bottled water at Coachella very valuable bottled water ah by a fresh river coming out of a glacier people aren't that really interested so just because. Someone says what you have isn't valuable doesn't mean someone else won't think it's very valuable so it's ah it's very arbitrary. Go on.

19:43.67

mikebledsoe

Yeah, well this the the conversation about the rock is really interesting because people go Yeah, the rock. The rock is more successful than max in a lot of areas but I'm just say I'm saying someone from the outside may say that.

19:59.23

Max Shank

Whoa who's saying that I I know I just said it to.

20:03.66

mikebledsoe

But just go with me just go with me and and um, but here's the thing is we you have no idea what the rock's life is like he's taking pictures on Instagram the dude is in pain all the time that. He is knee hurts like I've I've I've been able to glimpse enough to realize that he's in a lot of pain. He may be in less now but he's had to endure a lot of pain to get to where he's at probably you know he may have. Periods of time where he didn't sleep. Well there's periods of time he he was a pro wrestler at 1 point those guys are living a crazy lifestyle. Yeah, and it's just one of those things where it's like oh this guy gets put on this pedestal and then people start comparing themselves to him and I'm like man i.

20:40.61

Max Shank

You never know outside looking in, you never know.

20:55.44

mikebledsoe

I Don't want any like I would love to have the bank account and that's probably it I mean I don't know about the physique because you just started looking at the amount of sacrifice that was made that he sacrificed a lot of things that you and I value too much to sacrifice and.

21:11.95

Max Shank

Totally.

21:14.90

mikebledsoe

Who knows if maybe he did follow his heart and this is the the I bet he did in a lot of ways and this is the result of that and he we just value different things. So like that's his degree of success and this is what success looks like for us. So. Like to point that out in that we we definitely don't know the full story of what's going on for that other person's life and to and and when we when we start comparing we lose sight of our own Genius and our own self-expression and.

21:41.86

Max Shank

That.

21:53.28

mikebledsoe

And I think it happens when we start categorizing ourselves like if I were just to say I'm a podcaster or I'm a coach or I'm a this I start comparing myself to Joe Rogan as a podcaster or I might start comparing myself to Paul check as a coach or something like that and I gotta I got to back it up and even say.

22:01.60

Max Shank

Right.

22:12.82

mikebledsoe

I don't I don't want to really look at those guys as mentors I like to pay attention to what they're doing because they're smart and they're They're the best at what they do but at the same time I'm doing something That's really neither one of those I'm not it. It would be unfair to me to be unfair to the world.

22:15.64

Max Shank

Ah.

22:24.81

Max Shank

Ah, right.

22:30.18

mikebledsoe

To carry a comparison between these people and try to be Joe Rogan and Paul check at the same time I'd be insane but people try to do it all the time.

22:34.68

Max Shank

That would be I'd be very powerful I think you found my new goal actually I want to be Joe check or Paul Rogan yeah Paul Rogan

22:42.40

mikebledsoe

Um I like the Paul Rogan Paul wrote yeah you go? Yeah, that's what we should have called this show and ah man we fucked up be fucked up.

22:52.25

Max Shank

Ah I Love I Love what you said because also that's where envy comes from right and people become envious but they don't envy the whole thing they cherry pick they're like oh I'm envious of the rocks.

23:06.35

mikebledsoe

Right.

23:10.36

Max Shank

Bank account or his eyebrow thing that he does or whatever but you don't know the full story of what's going on and envy really is the worst of all the 7 deadly sins because it's the only one you can't have any fun at so you don't want to be you don't want to be envious.

23:26.76

mikebledsoe

Um, a.

23:28.48

Max Shank

It's very silly Plus why be jealous of someone when you don't know what's going on behind the scenes you you don't know the full story like ah it Maybe it's like really not worth it. Maybe they are just remorseful all the time. Ah so so you don't want that and then.

23:43.30

mikebledsoe

Yeah, yeah.

23:47.91

Max Shank

The other thing that you said that was awesome was you know if you compare yourself to those guys then you are like spoiling your song or your vibration. It's like you know the rolling stones or a great rock band. But not everybody likes the rolling stones it just so happens that they'll play for massive crowds and that most people really do like them but some people prefer like ah I don't know the ramons or sublime or something like that I don't know. And I don't really know enough band names but you get my point is like just because one band is really really popular like a rogan or a Paul check doesn't mean that you can't offer something in a uniquely different way that will resonate with a slightly different audience. It's not honestly, it's not even about what's. Absolutely better because how could you measure that and I and I get into that um line of thinking quite a lot Actually myself is just as much a reminder to me as it is to anyone listening it may feel. Like someone else is better qualified to do what you would like to do but you'll do it differently enough that it might resonate with someone Better. So Even if in your mind It's like oh well,, they're just better at it. You know, just do your best. And put your um self into it and that's going to resonate better with some group of people than that other person that you might be comparing to so comparison Envy not good at all.

25:35.32

mikebledsoe

Yeah, well and I'm somebody who has a I have a lot of interests lot of different interests and there are definitely some areas like I trained I trained one of my buddies ah on Saturday. Ah.

25:37.32

Max Shank

Not that healthy for you.

25:53.39

mikebledsoe

I trained him physically in my gym and you know we were He's a new friend. He he looks fit and but he's got a lot of back pain and he he says he's like. Like oh what do you do for training. He goes well tomorrow I was like you want to work out tomorrow. He goes well tomorrow's my buys and tries and I was like you know what? how about this and he was I was like tell me about your back I'm like how about this I bet I can make your back feel better while during your workout. You're gonna feel better. And afterwards you're gonna feel better and why don't you just stop by tomorrow four o'clock will smoke a little weed and then we'll we'll work out. He goes all right that sounds like a good time I blew his fucking mind for the guy who does buys and tries and ah. And and his his full time gig is crypto trader so he yeah he get an idea of who he might be right? I'm not gonna blast his name or anything like that. But he um I get him in the gym. He doesn't he's never studied fitness I mean he looks good like he he does know what he's doing.

26:53.44

Max Shank

Okay.

27:08.49

Max Shank

Higher.

27:09.69

mikebledsoe

If he were to go to Lifetime Fitness I Imagine he's and his posture looks pretty good. So it's not like he's not a mess or anything but I took him through some you know integrative functional movement and his he just mind exploded the whole time and so when I am exposed.

27:13.15

Max Shank

Yeah.

27:28.50

mikebledsoe

But if I were to be with train with you max I don't feel like I know much right? We're just kind of like learning I'm learning a lot from you. You might be picking up some stuff from me, but it's it's kind of like little things here and there and then I really realized what an expert I am in the field of fitness cause I've been doing it for like 20 years 25 years and sometimes it's good to expose yourself to somebody who has no very limited exposure to the topic to really see how much you know about it I walked away from that session and I've got I've got pages of if I introduce someone new to training. These are the principles because I started I spent 10 minutes talking to him before we moved so that he understood why we were doing what we were doing and so I come out with all these notes where I'm like oh I should I could put together some type of fitness program I've avoided that because I meet so many I've met so many people who are so fucking good at it. So like oh.

28:11.55

Max Shank

Um, yeah, totally.

28:23.60

Max Shank

Right? what.

28:26.33

mikebledsoe

Why would I put it together a fitness program. They could always just go to max or they could go to Paul check or they could go to you know John Wolfe and it's like and then I go oh my friend. He didn't go to any of those guys he ended up in my garage. So.

28:30.88

Max Shank

Great.

28:37.81

Max Shank

He went to you right.

28:43.59

mikebledsoe

Ah, because none of those guys really appealed to crypto traders but I like to trade crypto. So now I appeal to those people too and crypto Trader trainer. So I Um, the other thing I started this conversation or this this rant with.

28:50.60

Max Shank

You're the crypto Trader trainer.

29:03.17

mikebledsoe

Ah I view myself as someone who's got ah a broad knowledge base but not a lot of depth in 1 thing but then I realized when I was training him. Oh I do have a lot of depth in this area compared to compared to that guy. That's all it needed.

29:09.14

Max Shank

Um, compared to what that's the key compared to what and and really when you're talking about sharing something valuable or delivering value which is really what this whole. Trade-based economy is based on is do you have some value that you can deliver you want to pace the person that is reading your message the person that is seeing your message the person that is listening to your pitch of some kind. Because basically you're selling him on the idea of training in a different way First and foremost whether you're doing that in-person via video via text you are selling them on this new idea so you have to meet them where they're at so the way that you would coach someone.

29:48.53

mikebledsoe

Yeah, yeah.

30:05.16

Max Shank

Who's been a trainer for 10 years and they're looking to you know gain their you know level 5 neurophysiological functional integration pathways is going to be very is doesn't that sound nice. Ah I I created it right now.

30:16.40

mikebledsoe

Oh yeah I do you have that certification yet. You have that certification. Oh oh, you should ah print it out and put it on the wall 10 k for two days with Max Shank Dot Com go right now.

30:25.30

Max Shank

Only only ten k for two days ah that's it. Yeah, ah you know so that's that's a very different clientele like you know and I've spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on courses over the years ah in person. Online. Whatever the whole the whole gamut and as you get more toward the end user. It gets simpler and simpler and simpler and it's like Titanic triceps and super shoulders and as you get more toward the trainer side of things. It just gets more and more fancy. You know they're like fancycier names and like we're gonna hack your nerve and look starting with the nervous system is the right idea but sometimes you just have to laugh at some of the crazy names that are being thrown around there so you have this.

31:03.52

mikebledsoe

Um, yeah.

31:21.76

Max Shank

Like especially cause I got so much into physical therapy which is a broad term. It's like a contest to see who can get the fastest results. So It's like you just need a more fancy secret and it's like a. An escalation of who has like the fanciest secret for how to erase someone's pain and get them moving functionally again which also is good from a practical standpoint because most people um you know exercise is not that hard like go for a walk. Carry some weights around move some weights. It's all good like you don't need to do anything dance around a little bit play a sport.. It's not not that hard. But if someone is hurting then having a methodical way to get them back to. A safe place where they can move without fear and without pain. That's really what requires the most effort and that's why I went that way myself with all of the programs I've created and all of the courses that I've taught it's much more difficult.

32:15.00

mikebledsoe

So.

32:31.44

Max Shank

To get someone feeling safe and strong again and pain free than it is to be like oh you want bigger legs. Well um, you know deadlift reverse lunge and sprint up a hill and you'll be fine like you don't need to do too much more than that like it could get fancier and fancier. But.

32:49.22

mikebledsoe

Yeah, one of the things that came to mind as you were talking is the ah the more knowledge we obtain the longer we're in a segment of the population. So you'll see this. You're have been to an nsea conference National sport and conditioning association. Okay.

32:49.49

Max Shank

You get the idea.

33:05.64

Max Shank

Now now.

33:08.96

mikebledsoe

Ah, been to a couple and I went when I was in college because it was the thing to do and we go and I mean you had to pay attention to a lot of these talks because these academics are talking to their peers. They're talking to other academics. Now were there? Yeah, the well that's the thing is.

33:28.72

Max Shank

Don't you mean they're showing they're showing off. Let's be let's be real here I've talked at conferences they're showing off That's all look how smart I am I'm gonna give you an offer at the end that you you can buy my product and I'm gonna show everyone how smart I am and why you should listen to me.

33:42.46

mikebledsoe

Yeah, and so the problem is in Academia they're not selling. They're not selling anything for money. They're just selling their ideas but they they fuck up because they are not talking to their audience. They're talking to their peers and so.

33:45.93

Max Shank

Most of the time most of the time.

34:02.90

mikebledsoe

They are ah so they end up using these words that are really loaded and if you're not in the field. You will not know what they're talking about and the whole point of the nsea like their their mission statement. It basically says that we want to bridge the gap Between. Science and practical application for strength coaches and then you go to the conference where the academics like if you don't if if you're the average strength Coach. You have no fucking idea what this academic is talking about because they're talking about mtor receptors and and these really deep bio energetic. Terms that no one knows what they mean unless you're one of these 20 people and so one of the things I recognize and this happens in the classroom and in academic environments too is the instructors are speaking to impress their peers instead of appealing to their audience.

34:52.50

Max Shank

Totally.

34:56.73

mikebledsoe

And the same thing happens when we we'll use fitness as an example, but this happens in every industry is when you become very advanced at what you do when you've been steeped in the information as long as max and I have been then you you you do ah get attracted to the fancier stuff because. At times because there might be a little bit of nugget and knowledge in there. But the yeah I need a harder drug but the chasing the the knowledge the Knowledge Dragon. So The the the trap is for.

35:19.89

Max Shank

It's like a harder drug.

35:26.85

Max Shank

Chasing the knowledge dragon.

35:35.97

mikebledsoe

Max and I would be if we started talking to our peers. There's a part of me that used to when I was making posts talking a podcast putting things on social media writing emails I wanted to make sure that if my friends my peers my colleagues. Read this. They'd be impressed and I that meant I was gonna get crickets from the people that needed to hear it the most and so.

36:01.80

Max Shank

How perfect is that story. You're going to literally shoot yourself in the foot to turn off your customers to impress your peers and colleagues that's hilarious. That's hilarious.

36:11.40

mikebledsoe

Yeah I see this happen coaches are doing this all the time they're so worried.

36:18.44

Max Shank

I Hear the ten dollars words I tune out I tune out so quick when I see people with the $10 words. It's like I know a few fancy words. Okay I like to work my flactoids from time to time but dude as soon as you start with the fancy talk it. It tunes me out because I I can hear when there's. No need for it whatsoever and just on the certification standpoint you know I have people who work for me at the gym I don't require any certification whatsoever I'm like you should get Insurance. Don't don't waste. They're like what certification should I get I was like done none of Them. Don't waste your time.

36:57.00

mikebledsoe

You probably learned some shit wrong by doing that cert.

36:57.10

Max Shank

Learn how to communicate with people learn the basics well yet plus the last thing I want is someone to come in there with their own idea of how things should be done like I want collaboration and a meritocracy of ideas because I'm not always right I Love ah.

37:07.90

mikebledsoe

Yeah, yeah.

37:16.50

Max Shank

You know, challenging the coaches with new ideas. Um, and it's fantastic. But I definitely wouldn't waste, especially if you're just trying to like coach people in exercise. There are a lot of fundamental truths that require no certification Whatsoever. To carry out I mean we could do a whole separate thing on how to be a personal trainer. Maybe we should do that next week. How to be a good. Ah how to be a good fitness coach. But yeah, don't waste your time with the like academia stuff. That's that's like so that's so worthless for the end User. It's just.

37:40.54

mikebledsoe

I like that I like that.

37:55.28

Max Shank

Like the only thing you can do. It's like academia itself. It's like what do you do after you take all these classes. Well then you can become a teacher and teach all these classes. It's like a fucking ponzi scheme.

38:04.90

mikebledsoe

Yeah, yeah, ah that that that makes me think about imposster syndrome people they get out there and they feel like they have imposter syndrome I think one of the reasons they experience that is and I bring this up because. This is a common question that gets asked or we're we're talking with a coach who wants to build their coaching business. They're like I'm experiencing imposter syndrome. Okay, yeah, and an imposter syndrome I Ah believe that a lot of that comes from.

38:27.97

Max Shank

Um, it's like toxic comparison right.

38:40.84

mikebledsoe

You know, wanting to impress their peers. It's It's never about I don't feel like I'm good enough to help people because when you get talking to them. They're like why is anyone listening to me but then they're afraid to post because they're afraid of with their parents or their family or friends or people that they were in class with. Are gonna think about what they posted and so it's It's such a. It's It's not it. Yeah, it's not imposter. Syndrome. That's made up. It's you don't feel like an imposter. You're just afraid that you're not gonna look smart in front of your friends and when you you're for.

38:59.29

Max Shank

Fear judgment. Yeah.

39:17.65

mikebledsoe

Every time that you hold back and don't share because of that there are people that could have been helped by you that are not and it also impedes your unique genius from shining through which is exactly what we're getting at in this entire show. We talked about borrowed dreams in the beginning and how we live.

39:23.15

Max Shank

Ah.

39:37.27

mikebledsoe

Out the lives that other people that we imagine that other people want us to live instead of living out our own dreams and that includes speaking our own message in a way that's unique and can land for the audience.

39:49.38

Max Shank

Yeah, and you should as a professional, always try to communicate in a way that will resonate with your audience the best you know if you was talking to this lady on the phone. She's really cool. Ah. I like to make ah sexist jokes to my female friends like it. It makes me laugh a lot and so I was saying you know it's like ah it's like building a motor you know I was talking about how you build like ah an online business and a funnel and there's like a flow of Gasoll. There's fuel and you got to put all the parts together. Was like oh actually you know you're a lady so it's like a recipe and there's a sequence that everything has to be put together and and I just like making jokes like that. But it's true that it is exactly like a recipe It's not going to resonate with everybody. You shouldn't compare your.

40:31.12

mikebledsoe

Yeah, yeah.

40:45.54

Max Shank

Ah, recipe for chili compared to someone else's but you should communicate things in a way that will resonate with that audience and if I'm smart and I'm targeting ladies I'm going to use a how to make a pie rather than how to build a motor. And I'm not saying that there aren't tons of ladies who know way more about motors than I do. But if I'm going to try to resonate with the most ladies possible and have a specific person that I'm speaking to why it's so important to clearly know the audience you're talking to. You should always talk to them. In a way that will make it the easiest for them to understand which means you will also make it the easiest to catalyze the desired action that you want them to take the last thing you want to do is complicate the message like you were saying before.

41:36.31

mikebledsoe

Yeah, and this also makes me think about this just leads naturally into the conversation of self-expression and this desire for authenticity. You know the the online media has been I think it's showing.

41:43.19

Max Shank

E.

41:56.10

mikebledsoe

How inauthentic things are and 1 of the one of the pieces of one of the statements that I receive a lot online and in person is people appreciate how authentic I am and they talk about how rare that is in today's world which is true. A lot of inauthenticity now a lot of people in their attempt to be authentic and self-expressed fail to meet their audience where their audience is at and so I see I see this a lot, especially it seems to be more prevalent amongst women than men. Um, and that they want to express them and probably because they've there's been a suppression of self-expression amongst women at a higher rate than of men so women really want to be able to express themselves in the way they want to express themselves which is great but with the expectation that they're gonna be. They're gonna ah be rewarded for that unbridled self-expression because yeah, because what's happening is I'm gonna express myself the way I want to because I never had before and now I'm really stepping into my power and I really want to do this and then while then turning off a bunch of people or.

42:57.79

Max Shank

Um, yeah, it won't resonate as well.

43:12.90

mikebledsoe

People are like I don't know what they're talking about I'm confused which which can be good.

43:12.50

Max Shank

Which can be good which can be good to turn off a lot of people your vibe attracts your tribe. So if you do have that like insane personality type of so I mean we're all kind of insane. Um, you know you'll you'll garner. Less resonance broadly but that might be okay, but you just have to manage your expectations If you're going to be like ah you know it just it just depends on the person. You know if you have an extreme personality. You might get people who like you a lot more but less of them.

43:36.20

mikebledsoe

Right? right.

43:46.91

mikebledsoe

Yeah, and the other thing I I like to warn about here is a lot of people they get into this self-expression and authentic self-expression conversation and what they end up expressing is their their emotional wounds and I.

43:59.40

Max Shank

Their wounds.

44:06.10

mikebledsoe

The way I look at is like you could either express from a place of love or you can be expressing your wounds and if you express your wounds. You have the opportunity to create more wounding or to create ah an effect that is undesired and then and you can tell if it's a wound or if it's.

44:14.60

Max Shank

A.

44:25.40

mikebledsoe

Coming from love because a wound behaves like a child. You know it. It throws things Temper tantrums Exactly it's most adults have not developed. Emotionally they got stunted in their youth and that's why you have people doing what they do I mean we see in politics. It's just.

44:31.14

Max Shank

How most adults behave.

44:44.96

mikebledsoe

Bunch of fucking children running around up there. So ah.

44:47.32

Max Shank

You would never see a discussion like that within a company that was Successful. It's absolutely Insane. The the shouting messages and the at the shouting and the ad hom and him attacks and the appeals to I mean it's. So full of logical fallacies and ranting and raving that it just makes no Sense. You'd have to be kind of stunted to believe that that is useful in some way you know, no no sane person wants to go to war and yet we let these sociopaths go to war all the time. It's.

45:15.59

mikebledsoe

Um, yeah.

45:25.40

mikebledsoe

Um, and then pay them to do it. Not not only that you pay you are funding this behavior and the world is broken. Yeah yeah.

45:25.77

Max Shank

It's outrageous, um and then.

45:32.85

Max Shank

Totally I yeah in a lot of ways it is but you got to just focus on ah delivering what is important to you and I think you know the word authenticity ah is another one of those. Things that feels like borrowed dreams like my my authentic self now feels totally different than it did ten years ago and when I think about being authentic, really I I just mean like being truthful because I don't have to say something.

45:50.89

mikebledsoe

E.

46:03.94

mikebledsoe

Yeah.

46:08.96

Max Shank

A certain way like that doesn't necessarily make me more authentic like sometimes I curse and I go oh man did I really have to there and I'm like yeah I fucking did because I was emotional and there was like a reason for it. And I don't care if I turn off a few people but I can also understand someone being a little bit smarter and just never doing that to broaden their audience. So As long as you're telling the truth as you believe it to be I think that is what authenticity is I don't think it necessarily means. Ah you know. Having a weird attitude I think it's having a clear mission that you care about and being truthful I think that's really that's really what authenticity means more than like you know, exposing your wounds.

46:57.17

mikebledsoe

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I and back on the self-expression piece I think that ah some people Also they they they haven't felt like they've expressed themselves in so long and then they get the courage to do so and then they start just. Expressing themselves over everybody and what I've found is it's very useful to have a place to really just let it fucking fly. Let it fly and that's not for the general public to be around.

47:31.71

Max Shank

Dancing.

47:37.95

Max Shank

Right.

47:39.52

mikebledsoe

Create a safe space. Maybe you have a therapist or you're going through a coaching program where there's a container that's really tight. There's there are rules. There are things that create safety because if you can experience really deep. Let it fly self-expression and a container of safety you can move all the way through it.

47:49.67

Max Shank

The.

47:59.49

mikebledsoe

Heal wherever that's coming from and then then become an adult in that area of your life if you if if you're out of control in some area of your life. It's because you have yet to heal that wound that was established in your childhood and be able to move on and now behave like an adult in that area of your life. And so I'm I'm a big fan of getting a container where you can just let it go but you cannot ah, it's a really bad idea to take that type of let it go behavior into the general public because it's not a safe space for you for 1 and for 2.

48:23.86

Max Shank

It.

48:38.35

mikebledsoe

Those people aren't trained to handle your shit. They don't know how to hold that kind of space. There's just you're gonna create a lot of bad juju out in the world. So that's my ¢2 worth on self-expression and I bring it up just because it's it's been a big topic and the.

48:46.83

Max Shank

Totally.

48:57.61

mikebledsoe

What I witness is being talked about online and um I just witness a lot of coaches who value self-expression so high when they're actually just shitting on people instead of helping them.

49:08.78

Max Shank

Totally and the same thing. It's kind of like complaining like complaining is an authentic behavior because you are feeling a thing and you are letting it out and I've only had it happen a few times at the gym where someone who worked for me started complaining to 1 of their clients.

49:16.15

mikebledsoe

Yeah.

49:28.60

Max Shank

And I was like hey what are you doing there like we don't do that. This person is paying you. You do not complain in here you check whatever it is you have going on outside at the door when you bring a person in here I don't I don't care. What your views are um, on certain topics I care that you are making this person uncomfortable and complaining all over them and ruining their day. You're trying to you're trying to be a psychological energy vampire by complaining to someone. Who is the last person in the World. You should be doing this too and this cannot be tolerated. Yeah, complaining is like the most selfish Act. So I think that is very you just change what barbers no shit.

50:08.16

mikebledsoe

Yeah, is Selfish. I Just changed barbers because of this I barbers The yeah the my barber was my barber was is so good at cutting hair. But I I got Covid So I went a little bit longer without getting my hair cut and I noticed that.

50:24.90

Max Shank

Amazing.

50:33.72

mikebledsoe

For about three weeks post covid I was at I was easy to agitate and so the what what happened was is I so I started everything that agitated me in my life went on loudspeaker and I go oh.

50:46.80

Max Shank

O.

50:49.88

mikebledsoe

There was a gift in in this because I got to change some things that were bothering me at a low level but not hard enough to change but still taking away my energy right? And so I go you know what changing that and then I didn't my hair is kind of shaggy right now probably can't tell cause a headset. But.

50:54.13

Max Shank

You're more sensitive.

50:58.38

Max Shank

Ah, then.

51:09.48

mikebledsoe

Um, I'm a little bit shaggy because I decided I was like you know I'm just gonna let my hair grow out and I wasn't thinking about not enjoying my barber but then it hit me I go you know I want to get my hair cut and I went to schedule it and I recognized I was like I don't want to go to that Barber. So I I booked ah something at a different place I can't go to the same place cause he's gonna see me there and but he's a he's a chronic complainer and it's and I took it on as a challenge I was like I was like maybe I can help this guy out a little bit. You know how how good can I be like I've got a force field. My force field is um.

51:30.20

Max Shank

Of course. Ah.

51:44.23

Max Shank

Mike Mike Mike the fixer at work during his haircut appointment.

51:46.95

mikebledsoe

Penetrable. And ah well I was just thinking about like how Jesus can I be right now you know like yeah, so I so anyways like I what one the day I went to book my appointment I go.

51:57.96

Max Shank

Well, you need longer hair for that So that works.

52:08.91

mikebledsoe

I'm going somewhere else I hate being complained at all day. So anyways, just own that in their real life example of what max is talking about.

52:15.73

Max Shank

Yeah, it's ah it it might feel authentic and it and it might be coming straight out of your gut but it's not a good idea So that's a good example of like toxic authenticity. But it's not even really authentic. That's just like wounded ah wounded child.

52:33.89

mikebledsoe

It's inauthentic when it's coming from a wound. It's inauthentic but people confuse doing whatever the fuck they feel like in the moment to with being authentic. These are different.

52:35.42

Max Shank

Yeah, right.

52:46.64

Max Shank

It's it's about like ah you don't want to give a damn about too many things you want to selectively care about certain things. More than others and and you have to like you have to put yourself First. Ah and I don't know anyone who doesn't put their family before some stranger and it's good to you know? Love this whole world. And all the living creatures in it I mean I still eat a lot of the living creatures in it and they're delicious. But I don't value the life of a cow that I'm going to eat the same as I value my own life and you can't so you can't um thrive while putting yourself last. So. It's not to care about nothing. It's not to like give no fucks. Ah, it's really about being selective with what you do give your attention and energy into and anytime that you're giving to something that isn't a net positive for both parties. That's a huge. Ah, cost that you're making because there is always an opportunity for an engagement or a transaction or a connection where it's mutually beneficial and that's why profit is so fantastic. You know profit gets such a a bad rap because some people go about it in a destructive way. But there's nothing better than a voluntary transaction where both people are happier afterward and the same thing is true energetically conversationally monetarily whatever.

54:28.44

mikebledsoe

Beautiful, Well said so going back to borrowed dreams I think we've covered.

54:33.90

Max Shank

Just give up your dreams right now just give up your dreams no dreams, no dreams.

54:39.77

mikebledsoe

But it's a good thing. Well I think where we got if I you know begin to summarize this is we talk about start the conversation with people including ourselves set a lot of dreams and goals that really aren't our dreams in the first place and we ended on. Authenticity and wounding and and that's really what it takes to be able to set your own dreams and have your own goals is you really have to go and and look at where you're still a child where your ah. Being inauthentic where you have wounding that's expressing itself itself instead of yourself as love and if you can look at that and you're setting goals not out of insecurity but out of ah out of true desire and. And for me I can feel it in my chest I feel more open I feel expanded when it's something that I truly desire that it's gonna be fulfilling for me and it it I definitely I feel very much in my head when I'm setting goals to end up being for other people. So yeah i.

55:47.74

Max Shank

The.

55:51.70

mikebledsoe

Hope this is helpful. Those conversations help people move to a place where they're living their life in better alignment final thoughts for you that I was about to call you Zach I don't even know what Zach. Yeah.

56:00.93

Max Shank

Ah, lessac I'll get I'll be ah, Zach Morris from saved by the bell now. Ah, here's what I would say first focus on being turn off everything close your eyes. Sit quietly lay down quietly doesn't matter and just get comfortable with that and if you can't be happy and enjoy doing nothing I promise you you're not going to find some achievement that provides a more lasting joy and flow than that. So start with being then look at what you enjoy doing what you enjoy doing so much that it puts you directly into a flow state what you enjoy doing so much that you don't look at the clock you forget to eat think about what activity what? verb. Makes you really come alive. Ideally, you want to find where that intersects with something that people find valuable. So it's being doing and then giving and if you can. Take a little time in each of those stages. It'll be really obvious what type of dream or vision. You can come to and it doesn't suit you to compare too much to what other people are doing because. Really it just matters if you can deliver value to anybody and kind of rethink you know ask why apply the 5 y's to what that goal is after you decide what feels good to just being get comfortable with being. Not just get comfortable but enjoy just being with no distractions find what you enjoy doing and then think about what you would really like to give and on that last point if you're not sure just help out your former self. If. You're not sure who you want to help or how you want to help them just think back to a year ago two years ago five years ago ten years ago to someone just like you who's not quite as far along the path and I think that will at least lead you to something that is um. Comfortable Congruent. It'll be easy to communicate with that person because they are former you and yeah, that's that's how I would like to sum up my thoughts on that.

58:42.80

mikebledsoe

Beautiful I think any especially the coaches out there listening to this that there's That's the best advice I've heard on how to set your goals. So thanks for sharing that wisdom max. Let's wrap this up where are they gonna find you.

58:55.84

Max Shank

Oh I am impossible to find ah you can find me at http://maxshank.com or at ma shank where can they find you.

59:08.91

mikebledsoe

I'm just gonna I'm just gonna post your your home address at some point and then ah.

59:12.17

Max Shank

You don't know where I live.

59:16.72

mikebledsoe

Um, ah you can find me on Instagram at Mike Underscore Bloodso and you can check out the http://bloodsohow.com for some other shows I've been working on and http://thesstrongcoach.com for the coaches out there that want to go go be better coaches I don't know what the fuck you know he people should just go check it out. I enjoyed it later.

59:43.76

Max Shank

Sweet. Yeah, awesome dude. Well everybody follow your dreams make sure they're yours see you next time.

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